Sunday, December 9, 2012

Sunny的大功課- 多重平行宇宙

Sunny's Spiritual Homework - More Parallel Universes

In the past month or so. Something major happened in my life.  The Universe kept reassuring to me that it is for the highest good. It took me three and a half weeks to finally understand what HE meant.

In October, my partner of seven and a half years, T went back to the United states to visit his family for three weeks. At the last day of his visit, he wrote in an email to have me call him.  So I did.  The first thing he said on the phone, was "I am not coming back."

This was a shocking news.  I had no idea why and how..... and whatever reason he gave me did not feel (internal gut feeling, connecting to the Source) right.

Almost two years ago. T received information that he needed to go into a meditation retreat, or else his life would fall apart.  So the Universe resourcefully arranged a retreat for him. After 7 days of silent meditation, he appeared to have some shifts.  Another half a year later, I received information that T's appreciation level for his partner, me, is only 40%, and that if he does not increase his appreciation level for me to over 50%,  he will eventually leave me because of his dissatisfaction towards me.

I related this information to him, assuming that he will work hard to increase inner appreciation level for me. I was wrong.  He did increase appreciation and gratitude level for his life in general in the past year and a half, but the level of appreciation towards me remains only 40% as the day he decided to "leave me".

So the following two weeks I went through tremendous amount of inner processing, including balancing emotional programming that brought on the emotions related to current event; and finding beliefs that keeps me from being at the state of Unconditional Love.

After the process, I started to See why the Universe said that it is for the highest good that he and I not be partners.

When we were together, I was devoting so much of my effort taking care of him and business, worrying about him, that I could not see my programs of worry that needed to be removed for my own spiritual development.

When he decided to leave me.  I had no ill feeling of "not being loved" or "not being accepted", because I had finished that part of my spiritual work years ago, with a muscle tested personal truth, "I love myself" is 100% and "I accept myself" is also 100%.  I also had no negative emotional response regarding "being abandoned" because that part of the spiritual work is also dealt with and completed. Same with "self-worth", dealt with and done, at 100%.  So I did not feel "not worthy".

So what exactly did I have problem with after the "leaving incident"? After in-depth meditation and inner processing, I came to a realization that it is "Fear"... a mother's fear that her child can not survive.

Since I never had children, I never would have seen this part of my programming that is operating 24-7. In our past two and a half years of my life in Taiwan, I had allowed him to be dependent on me emotionally and financially, allowed him to surrender to his fear and not making him independent in getting around in Taiwan , even make friends. He did not go out, he did not social with anyone out side of my friends circle, he had no desire to learn Chinese (he dropped out of classes after two and a half weeks), no desire to promote our product in the US, and no desire to make a life for himself.

In our later email correspondence, he revealed to me: when he looked back to this part of his life in Taiwan, he did not like who and what he had became.  To this, I am grateful that he was honest enough to let me know about this.

I found 7 emotional programs regarding this "mother's fear" and over 50 emotional responses. It took me almost 3 days to use EFT (emotional freedom techniques) to balance every single of the emotions, until I muscle tested everything is down to 0%.

When I removed these dominating programs, I began to see that I was too busy being fearful and taking care of his needs, I had forgotten to tend to my own needs. I realized there are a few more aspects of life that I would love to have in a relationship that T and I could not create together.

This is another step closer to understanding the Universe's great plan.

I wanted to feel free, free of burdens. I wanted to feel lighter, energetically and emotionally.  Overall, I had been a happy person. But there had been some underlining stress that no one can pinpoint. Being honest with myself, I muscle tested, at the time he left me, my happiness level overall was 90%.  I wanted to be able to create more, because I know there is higher level of joy and happiness a human can be... that is 100%.

So the Universe kicked my ass to make me see that I had these "mother's fear" programs that are keeping me from getting where I ought to be.

After another conversation with T, I realized that my appreciation level towards myself is 90%.  There is more progress I can make in this aspect. I know.

So if a person who has 40% appreciation level towards me, he/she is bound to vibrate way ways away from me.  We all know that we could never change a person if this person is not willing to change.  I checked with the Universe, T is more interested in "being right" at the moment when I write this.

Eventually I will make peace with him leaving, I am almost there.  I still have some beliefs that I need to observe and alter, still have some emotional programs regarding these beliefs.  This is Sunny, some of you knows me, I am a person of my words.

The Universe shared an article through me a day prior to the break up: "Be Responsible For The Intimate Relationship We Create" in Chinese. I also wrote an article about our inner world creating our inner experience. These articles were the words from the Universe when I meditate.

I have a lot of tools to create different inner experience. I just need to pay attention in the process of creation.

In this incident, I began to do some inner dialogue regarding appreciation and gratitude.  The Universe took the opportunity to show me more information than I ever would have been able to come up with.

Gratitude in an intellectual level, is only words that one thinks.  They have no emotional effect whatsoever.  Gratitude embodied, you get joy, bliss, LOVE and peace.

Appreciation in an intellectual level, you get dissatisfaction. Why? You may ask? When you appreciate something intellectually, it is short-lived. because there are so few things that spark that appreciation. You go to the beach, you see beautiful waves and the beautiful sunset. You appreciate the moment, then you go home. When you get home, you began to compare what you have now that is never as good as what you experience at the beach. you can not deep down appreciate, embrace and enjoy what you have moment to moment. then your life is always miserable.

If anyone ask me what I gained out of this split up.  I learned that gratitude and appreciation must be embodied or else it is as good as nothing.  I learned that I have 90% embodied appreciation towards T, that is also 90% embodied appreciation towards myself. I have 90% embodied gratitude towards T, and 100% intellectual gratitude towards T. Since our intimate relationship, is the reflection of ourselves, I have 90% embodied gratitude towards myself, and 100% intellectual gratitude towards myself.  All these numbers are muscle tested.

This is, very important to know, and also helps me understand and make peace with the Universe's plans.
All of this, is the highest good.

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Speaking about my gratitude towards T. I see a few different parallel realities.

In my internal experience, my personal reality, he was a great companion and a descent partner. We had a lot of fun together. We had great conversation. He helped me established my beautiful home in Taiwan. We work together in many things, he helped me grow spiritually. As he left, he created a situation that propelled me into a quantum leap of spiritual transformation. For this, I am eternally grateful.

In a social perspective, he abandoned a relationship of seven and a half years with almost no notice. He took advantage of the financial situation and walked away with more than half of the business profit. He did not have to work for two and half years while in Taiwan. He demanded his request to be met or he threw a fit.

In the soul level, he is a soul family member, even though I probably will not see him much anymore, or will not feel connected with him in human level anymore. This beautiful soul choose to suffer in human experience so that he could be my dark angel, this is takes magnificent courage. For that, I am eternally grateful.

And in T's reality, his inner world created his inner experience, whatever his inner experience of our relationship was, I have no clue. Whatever his inner story about me, I also have no clue. I figured out that if I expected him to be grateful for what I had done for him, it is me who is crazy. The Universe said to me today, when you have high level of gratitude and appreciation for yourself, those who has little gratitude and appreciation for you will automatically disappear in your life, no matter what their reasoning may be.  This is Law of Attraction at work.

I thought I missed him.  I missed his companionship. Then I realized that the one I missed wasn't really him. It was a story and experience of him that my internal world had created. The T whom I remembered, wasn't really him after all.  It is simply a creation of my mind. He is a stranger after all.

This realization set me free. I finally got it.


十月中,我的老公(沒有正式結婚的伴侶,我習慣性地稱呼他是老公,因為我們的實質關系是夫妻)T 回到美國去探親三個星期。預計回臺灣的前一天,他寫電子郵件來,要我打電話過去。我打了電話,他的第一句話是:『我決定不回臺灣了!』

這是一個令我驚訝的消息。我完全不知道為何會如此發生 · · · 他給我的理由,我從內在感覺到並不是事實。我跟宇宙是合一的,我可以感受到事情的真實性與否。

兩年前,T 接收到訊息,他必須要去內觀中心靜心,否則他的生活會變得不可收拾。宇宙也很巧妙地安排一個讓他能夠去靜心內觀的機會。靜修七天之後,他有一些轉變。六個月之后,我從宇宙得到訊息,T 對於我這個親密伙伴的欣賞珍惜(appreciation)程度只有40%。如果他不在靈性成長上增加他對我的appreciation 程度到達50%以上,他遲早有一天會因為對我的不滿而主動離開我。

我把這個訊息轉達給他,以為他會很用心地在靈性成長方面專注於appreciation 的內化。原來我想錯了。雖然他在生命其他的方面 提高了感恩珍視欣賞的程度,但是他對我的appreciation 程度始終還是停留在40%。即使他提出分手的那一天,仍然是40%。


在兩個星期積極的做心靈功課之後,我開始看懂為什麼宇宙說T 和我分開是最好的安排。







當我消除了這些主使我情緒反應的『恐懼的母親』情感程式之後,我開始看到原來我把我所有的心思都放在照顧他的需求,我讓自己忙碌地忘記去招呼我自己的需求。我終於領會到,原來我對我的生活(生命)有其他我想要的面相,以T 的個性來看,是T 與我不可能共同創造的。


我一直向宇宙提出要求,我想要感受沒有包袱的自由,我要在能量上與情緒上感覺輕一些。雖然大體上,我已經是一個很快樂的人。但是我也感覺到我有一些下意識的緊張。我的肩膀的肌肉常常是緊繃的,但是沒有任何人能夠確切地指出這個緊張是跟什麼有關。當我處理完『母親的恐懼』之後,我肩膀的結,散了差不多80% 。我很誠實的問自己,用肌肉測試,在T 決定分手的當時,我的整體快樂程度是90%。我要能夠創造更多幸福,因為我知道,人可以感受到更多的幸福與美滿,也就是100%。

所以如果有一個人對我的珍視欣賞的程度是40%,他的振動頻率跟我的振動頻率差距一定大到會自動振地離我很遠很遠。我們都知道,我們不可能改變一個自己不願意改變的人。我跟宇宙查證了一下,T 在這個時候,對於『自己是對的』比改變與成長有興趣多了。

我知道等我跟T 的功課做完的時候,我會對我們的分手達到完全的接納與內在平靜。我已經幾乎到那裏了。我還有一些信念與相關的情感程式我必須處理平衡。我是Sunny,你們有些人認識我,我這個人說得到的話,就一定做的到。不像是許多身心靈老師,嘴上說一套,行為上是另一套。

在T 提出分手的前一天,宇宙就透過我傳遞了『為自己所創造的親密關係負責』一文。這絕對不是巧合。在事情發生的頭幾天,宇宙也透過我傳遞了一篇『內在的世界』。這些是宇宙在我靜坐時告訴我的話。




理性上的appreciation 珍視與欣賞,你反而會得到『不滿意』。你或許會問為什麼?因為當你以理性來珍視欣賞某一件事物,它是絕對短覱的。因為能夠激起你的珍視與欣賞的事物是少之又少。就像你到海邊度假,你看到美麗的海浪與夕陽,然後你回到家之後,沒有比這個更美麗的經驗,你沒有辦法在日常生活里找到珍視,欣賞,你沒有辦法擁抱與享受你身邊的每一經驗,每一分每一秒。你會覺得你的生命很苦。

如果有人問我,從這個分手的經驗裏我獲得了什麼?我學到,感恩,珍視,欣賞,是必需內化,否則等於零。我發現,我對T 有90%的內化珍視欣賞,也對我自己有90%的內化珍視欣賞。我對T 有90% 的內化感恩,有100% 的理性感恩。我們的親密關係,是我們的鏡像。也就是說,我對我自己有90% 的內化感恩,有100% 的理性感恩。我還有功課要繼續進行。這些數據,是經過肌肉測試獲得的答案。


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對於提到我對於T 的感恩,我看到了以下幾個不同的平行宇宙:

在我個人所創造的內在經驗,T 是一個不錯的伴侶,也是一個很好的朋友。我們在一起玩地很愉快。我們也很能聊得來。他幫我在臺灣創造一個美麗的家。我們有很多合作的地方,他也幫助我在靈性上成長。在他提出分手的時候,他創造了一個讓我獲得靈性大躍進的機會。對於這一點,我對他有永恒的感恩。

在一般社會的觀點上,T 在一夜之間遺棄他共同生活七年半的伴侶。他利用機會拿走了與伴侶兩人共有,多於一半的金錢。在臺灣的兩年半裏,他不需要工作。他要他的伴侶順從他的要求,不然他就發脾氣。

在靈魂的層面上,T 是我的靈魂家族。雖然以後我可能不會再見到他,也不會覺得再有像以前一樣的那種連結感。著一個美麗的靈魂,選擇經歷人類的苦,來作為我的黑天使。這需要無限的勇氣。為此,我對T 感到無窮的感恩。

至於T ,他的內在世界創造了他的內在經驗。我大概永遠無法理解他所經驗的是什麼樣子的親密關係。我也永遠無法知道,他心目中的Sunny是什麼樣子的。我學到了,如果我要求他要對我為他所做的一切感到感恩,這裏的瘋子是我。宇宙今天告訴我,當我對自己的珍視欣賞與感恩程度很高的時候,我身邊對我珍視欣賞與感恩程度低的人,就會因為吸引力法則,在我的生命中自動消失,無論他的理由是什麼。


原本我以為我很想念他,我想念他的友誼。後來我也領會到,我所想念的並不是真的他,而是我的內在世界所創造描述的T 的假象。我所記得的他,原來也只是一個幻象。原來,他只是一個陌生人。


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  1. sunny 你好,

    雖然我以前堅定的信念是要跟媽媽很親密, 就像你提到的"若沒有珍視欣賞,振動會越離越遠"這兩年我才慢慢了解分開是上天最好的安排,但有時想到還是會有情緒 ...謝謝你的分享,期待您陸續的分享~

  2. 我相信版主的未來會越變越好


    人類的弱點就是害怕改變,在已經習慣的人事物 運作"尚良好"的情況下,我們是希望永遠保持現狀的 (想留在舊的生活模式和舊的能量中),一旦『人生變化』襲來,恐懼和疑惑就佔據了小我 會慌張失措。




  3. Dear Sunny,

    I like what you receive from the Universe:[when you have high level of gratitude and appreciation for yourself, those who has little gratitude and appreciation for you will automatically disappear in your life, no matter what their reasoning may be.]

    [I wanted to be able to create more, because I know there is higher level of joy and happiness a human can be... that is 100%]Yes, keep on moving, you are almost there, and right now I think you are FREE!

    Take care


  4. 很感人,也很真誠的分享,值得尊敬。