Saturday, December 15, 2012

Transformation Diary 1 / Sunny 的轉化過程 1

If you have not read "Sunny's Spiritual Homework - More Parallel Universes", please click on link and read first.

on November 15, 2012, T spoke with me on the phone from Luisianna, he said he is not coming back to Taiwan, after the originally planed three-week visit with his family. He was supposed to be back on the 16th. He said he wants to spend time with his daughter before she graduates from high school. That isn't really the whole reason, but I am sure he really didn't know all of the reasons either at the time.

18 months ago, The universe had told me that one day he will leave me, if his appreciation level towards me remains under 50%. I just didn't know how and when it was going to happen.

He chose an easy way out, not having to deal with me face to face. I don't think he can emotionally handle talking to me about ending the relationship face to face. He is in pain too. He is also afraid. He needed to be at a place where he feels comfortable, that is home with his family.

And he was probably right. If he decided to face me and talk about ending the relationship, I probably would have bitched him out about his appreciation level and told him that he really needs to focus on developing that more. I had told him that a few times, and it never helped.  Anyways.....

Right now, my only regret, is that, I would have loved an opportunity to hug him Goodbye and wish him well.

When I saw the movie "Life of Pi". The scene when their boat arrived in Mexico, Pi was so sad that,Charlie Parker, the tiger whom Pi emotionally relied on for the entire time after the ship sank, walked away without looking back.  I cried so hard.

But maybe there is an emotional program in this as well. I should look into it.

So I decided to pause my writing and look into my emotional programs and balance them.

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I focused my mind into this feeling of regret.  (the regression of programming will be written in brown color)

I was a young man, about 14, with psychic visions. I was an Indian in the Colorado rivers. I saw in a vision that the river  bank where all of our tribal member live is going to be flash-flooded, so I went around and told everybody what I saw.  It was a sunny day and no one believed me and my vision. I cried so hard knowing everyone was going to die, and begged everyone to follow me to high ground.  No one believed me.

I knew I had to leave immediately or else I would die too.  so I began to climb up the cliffs. As soon as I climbed up to the top of the cliff, must be about 300 feet high, I looked down,  I saw the roaring water swallowed my village.

As I started the EFT(a version I channeled from the Universe, see pictures of the link) process, I felt me as the young boy, kneeling on the ground next to the cliff, looking down at the river, crying out his love ones names with his hands reached towards the river as if he was going to be able to grasp something . As I was tapping, I also call out these names, in a language I didn't know, filled with despair. I could see the faces of the people the young boy flashes through in his mind. Then I felt me as the young boy, still kneeling on the ground, yelled at the sky, the Spirits, I was angry at HIM allowing this to happen.  

I tapped the first despair, and then the anger. then I felt calmer.

This emotional program is balanced, I muscle tested.

I checked with the Universe, there are more programs, so I am going to look into it now.

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There was a hint of sadness, melancholy.

I focused into the feeling, I felt a woman, French, maybe. It must have been 250 years ago looking from what people were wearing. She was seeing her son off at the pier. Her son was getting on a boat going somewhere. He was just a young man, maybe 18.  He wanted to go explore, make something out of himself, and the mother couldn't deny him the opportunity so she decided to let him go create his dream.

That was the last time she ever saw him or heard from him. No one knew what ever happened. The next 45 years, the women spent her time dreaming and visualizing what could have happened to her son, mostly disastrous. she was sad, fearful, and could not find peace. 

I tapped on the sadness and melancholy separately. I also tapped on that long slight irritating noise in the mind that there was no words for.

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Now I look back at the sadness and regret about not being able to have a proper goodbye.  I feel calmer and more at ease. It would have been nice to do so, but, I am fine the way it is. There is no more sadness, no more emotional attachment.

I asked the Universe If the process of removing emotional programs has brought my response down to 0%.
The answer is negative.  There is still 1%.

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So I begin to tune in again.  This time it took a long time.  I tried a few times and my thoughts just kept getting sidetracked.  So I took the rest of the day off, went visit a friend for a few hours, got a massage, chat with some friends on-line, soaked in a bath, and went to bed.

It was the next morning when I went back to the feeling.  This time, it was easier for me to focus. I closed my eyes and tuned in....

I was standing at a cliff by the ocean. not very high up.  I could feel the wind on my face. The ocean has a purple haze to it, and the sunset is orange and purple. This has gotta be an alien planet or another dimension. I looked down on my feet, I have three toes and claws. My skin is light brown with leopard marks. I saw myself wearing a small leather pouch with a long strap across my shoulder, and I was wearing some kind of natural fiber clothing that looks quite primitive. I did not carry any weapons. I can feel that I had a peaceful nature.

There is this sense of many different kind of feelings.  I could not tell them apart. So I tap on all of them first. After that, I felt that there is a more pronounced melancholy, I finished tapping that. Melancholy disappeared. The next feeling that surfaced is slight depression.  I tapped on that too. It went away.  Then there is anger, as if I was fighting for something.  I tapped it, it disappeared.  The next the surfaced is sadness.  Very strong sadness. As I started tapping it, I saw myself (the three clawed alien) fighting with a small group of beings to keep my 4 children.  They are human traffickers that came to take my children as slaves. I lost the battle and my children were taken. In the process of tapping, I cried, as I saw myself kneeling on the ground after the children were taken, with enormous sadness and regret that I did not have the ability to protect my children.

I tap on all of layers of feelings that surfaced.  Then I muscle checked. The programs are down to 0%.

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So now looking back to the proper Goodbye that I thought I wanted.  It would have been nice, but it was hell impossible.  I can so laugh at what could have happened... Both of us were in such emotional mess, there was no way possible that this could have happened.  Only in idealistic movies, I guess.

I smiled, facing the reality. Maybe someday I can get to this place.  Come to think again,  I know someday I will get to this place of loving and peaceful attitude towards him, after I finished all of my homework.  But can he? I wondered. I guess that is really not my business, isn't it?

Then I thought again.  What is my purpose here?  Is it that important to have that proper goodbye?  Or is it more important for me to find my inner peace?  I choose latter.

Smiling ....

I saw this quote on Facebook today:

Power does not come from changing others,...
Instead, it comes from adjusting our reaction from other's behaviors.

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Note:  I intended to start writing about my 7 programs on the fearful mother, but the Universal Collective Consciousness seem to have a mind of Its own, the article took a turn, and became a live process of discovering new programs and a process of healing and balancing. 

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Sunny 的轉化過程 1

如果你尚未閱讀前文『Sunny的大功課- 多重平行宇宙』,請先閱讀此文。

T 原本計劃探望家人的三個星期,在2012年的11月16日晚上抵達臺北。15日早晨,他從美國與我通電話,告訴我他決定不回臺灣了。他說他要在他的女兒高中畢業,上大學之前,花一些時間跟她相處。但是這並不是分手的真正理由。我可以確定地說,當時他也不完全知道他要分手的所有原因。





當我在看『少年Pi的奇幻漂流』一片,劇情到Pi 的船在墨西哥海岸著陸的時候,查理波克,那隻與他在落難過程中,情緒上相互依靠的老虎,頭也不回地離開了他,Pi 傷心的痛哭流涕。我也哭地很傷心。



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現在我再回過頭來,看看對於沒有與 T 正式告別的感受,我覺得平靜多了,也放鬆多了。我心裏想,雖然會覺得如果能正式告別是很好的,但是沒有的話,我也沒有關係了。


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第二天起床之后,我把意識帶回去這個感受。這一次,我比較能夠聚焦了。我閉上眼睛,靜靜的感受 · · ·




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我笑了,我可以面對現實了。或許未來的某一天,我可以到到這種平靜的心。再想過,我知道,當我把我自己關於T 的靈性功課做完的時候,我一定能夠真正地達到我想要的無條件的愛與平靜的態度面對他。不過,他能夠嗎?再想想,他能不能夠達到這個心態,已經是不關我的事了!


微笑中 ....



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註:  原本開始寫這篇文章的時候,我只想到要寫那七個『母親恐懼孩子離開後不能夠生存』的情感程式。哪里知道宇宙統合意識自個兒有祂的點子。文章一開始就轉了個彎兒,成了一個現場內省,找到情感程式,以及做平衡及療癒的即時報導。



  1. Dear Sunny,

    與你交談兩句後,我去入睡,翻來覆去睡不著。有一種無法形容的恐懼,壓著我的胸腔。今天晚上看完電影Life of Pi後,與朋友去餐館進餐,坐下來時感到一種很難形容的疏離感,就是莫名其妙突然覺得朋友不可信,想要自己一個人待著。這種感覺自我五歲左右開始存在,始於一次午睡醒來過後,突然覺得身邊的人都不可信,覺得他們笑裡藏刀。多年來,很多次在人群中,與朋友甚至親戚相處時,突然會湧現這種感覺,很想快點一個人待著。想來,只有在與父母,親兄弟,還有前男友相處時才沒有過。晚飯時,與朋友談起電影的劇情,看的時候沒想到原來Pi講的第二個故事(人吃人)有可能是真的,朋友提起這個可能性的時候我的心突然嚇倒了。然後不安的情緒一直持續到我回家,在網路上蒐集了很多其他人對此電影的看法,看到他們剖析電影裡”殘酷的現實“,我的心非常難受。再在你的這篇文章裡看到這部電影的回顧,心裡更加不舒服。





    1. 想補充我在情感程式裡具體的感受:



    2. 雖然我不認識您,但是很感謝您的分享,讓我越來越對找情感程式有概念了。^^

  2. 這個分享實在很讚 太利益初次來到貴部落格的我了