Saturday, December 15, 2012

Transformation Diary 1 / Sunny 的轉化過程 1

If you have not read "Sunny's Spiritual Homework - More Parallel Universes", please click on link and read first.

on November 15, 2012, T spoke with me on the phone from Luisianna, he said he is not coming back to Taiwan, after the originally planed three-week visit with his family. He was supposed to be back on the 16th. He said he wants to spend time with his daughter before she graduates from high school. That isn't really the whole reason, but I am sure he really didn't know all of the reasons either at the time.

18 months ago, The universe had told me that one day he will leave me, if his appreciation level towards me remains under 50%. I just didn't know how and when it was going to happen.

He chose an easy way out, not having to deal with me face to face. I don't think he can emotionally handle talking to me about ending the relationship face to face. He is in pain too. He is also afraid. He needed to be at a place where he feels comfortable, that is home with his family.

And he was probably right. If he decided to face me and talk about ending the relationship, I probably would have bitched him out about his appreciation level and told him that he really needs to focus on developing that more. I had told him that a few times, and it never helped.  Anyways.....

Right now, my only regret, is that, I would have loved an opportunity to hug him Goodbye and wish him well.

When I saw the movie "Life of Pi". The scene when their boat arrived in Mexico, Pi was so sad that,Charlie Parker, the tiger whom Pi emotionally relied on for the entire time after the ship sank, walked away without looking back.  I cried so hard.

But maybe there is an emotional program in this as well. I should look into it.

So I decided to pause my writing and look into my emotional programs and balance them.

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I focused my mind into this feeling of regret.  (the regression of programming will be written in brown color)

I was a young man, about 14, with psychic visions. I was an Indian in the Colorado rivers. I saw in a vision that the river  bank where all of our tribal member live is going to be flash-flooded, so I went around and told everybody what I saw.  It was a sunny day and no one believed me and my vision. I cried so hard knowing everyone was going to die, and begged everyone to follow me to high ground.  No one believed me.

I knew I had to leave immediately or else I would die too.  so I began to climb up the cliffs. As soon as I climbed up to the top of the cliff, must be about 300 feet high, I looked down,  I saw the roaring water swallowed my village.

As I started the EFT(a version I channeled from the Universe, see pictures of the link) process, I felt me as the young boy, kneeling on the ground next to the cliff, looking down at the river, crying out his love ones names with his hands reached towards the river as if he was going to be able to grasp something . As I was tapping, I also call out these names, in a language I didn't know, filled with despair. I could see the faces of the people the young boy flashes through in his mind. Then I felt me as the young boy, still kneeling on the ground, yelled at the sky, the Spirits, I was angry at HIM allowing this to happen.  

I tapped the first despair, and then the anger. then I felt calmer.

This emotional program is balanced, I muscle tested.

I checked with the Universe, there are more programs, so I am going to look into it now.

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There was a hint of sadness, melancholy.

I focused into the feeling, I felt a woman, French, maybe. It must have been 250 years ago looking from what people were wearing. She was seeing her son off at the pier. Her son was getting on a boat going somewhere. He was just a young man, maybe 18.  He wanted to go explore, make something out of himself, and the mother couldn't deny him the opportunity so she decided to let him go create his dream.

That was the last time she ever saw him or heard from him. No one knew what ever happened. The next 45 years, the women spent her time dreaming and visualizing what could have happened to her son, mostly disastrous. she was sad, fearful, and could not find peace. 

I tapped on the sadness and melancholy separately. I also tapped on that long slight irritating noise in the mind that there was no words for.

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Now I look back at the sadness and regret about not being able to have a proper goodbye.  I feel calmer and more at ease. It would have been nice to do so, but, I am fine the way it is. There is no more sadness, no more emotional attachment.

I asked the Universe If the process of removing emotional programs has brought my response down to 0%.
The answer is negative.  There is still 1%.

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So I begin to tune in again.  This time it took a long time.  I tried a few times and my thoughts just kept getting sidetracked.  So I took the rest of the day off, went visit a friend for a few hours, got a massage, chat with some friends on-line, soaked in a bath, and went to bed.

It was the next morning when I went back to the feeling.  This time, it was easier for me to focus. I closed my eyes and tuned in....

I was standing at a cliff by the ocean. not very high up.  I could feel the wind on my face. The ocean has a purple haze to it, and the sunset is orange and purple. This has gotta be an alien planet or another dimension. I looked down on my feet, I have three toes and claws. My skin is light brown with leopard marks. I saw myself wearing a small leather pouch with a long strap across my shoulder, and I was wearing some kind of natural fiber clothing that looks quite primitive. I did not carry any weapons. I can feel that I had a peaceful nature.

There is this sense of many different kind of feelings.  I could not tell them apart. So I tap on all of them first. After that, I felt that there is a more pronounced melancholy, I finished tapping that. Melancholy disappeared. The next feeling that surfaced is slight depression.  I tapped on that too. It went away.  Then there is anger, as if I was fighting for something.  I tapped it, it disappeared.  The next the surfaced is sadness.  Very strong sadness. As I started tapping it, I saw myself (the three clawed alien) fighting with a small group of beings to keep my 4 children.  They are human traffickers that came to take my children as slaves. I lost the battle and my children were taken. In the process of tapping, I cried, as I saw myself kneeling on the ground after the children were taken, with enormous sadness and regret that I did not have the ability to protect my children.

I tap on all of layers of feelings that surfaced.  Then I muscle checked. The programs are down to 0%.

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So now looking back to the proper Goodbye that I thought I wanted.  It would have been nice, but it was hell impossible.  I can so laugh at what could have happened... Both of us were in such emotional mess, there was no way possible that this could have happened.  Only in idealistic movies, I guess.

I smiled, facing the reality. Maybe someday I can get to this place.  Come to think again,  I know someday I will get to this place of loving and peaceful attitude towards him, after I finished all of my homework.  But can he? I wondered. I guess that is really not my business, isn't it?

Then I thought again.  What is my purpose here?  Is it that important to have that proper goodbye?  Or is it more important for me to find my inner peace?  I choose latter.

Smiling ....

I saw this quote on Facebook today:

Power does not come from changing others,...
Instead, it comes from adjusting our reaction from other's behaviors.

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Note:  I intended to start writing about my 7 programs on the fearful mother, but the Universal Collective Consciousness seem to have a mind of Its own, the article took a turn, and became a live process of discovering new programs and a process of healing and balancing. 

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Sunny 的轉化過程 1

如果你尚未閱讀前文『Sunny的大功課- 多重平行宇宙』,請先閱讀此文。


T 原本計劃探望家人的三個星期,在2012年的11月16日晚上抵達臺北。15日早晨,他從美國與我通電話,告訴我他決定不回臺灣了。他說他要在他的女兒高中畢業,上大學之前,花一些時間跟她相處。但是這並不是分手的真正理由。我可以確定地說,當時他也不完全知道他要分手的所有原因。

一年半前,宇宙已經告訴過我,如果他對我的珍視欣賞(appreciation)程度不能夠提高,超過50%,他遲早會主動離開我。我只是不知道這會是如何發生,何時發生。

我認為他選擇了一條比較簡單的路,從美國打電話來分手。我也認為,他在情緒上無法與我面對面的討論分手的事情。我知道他對於這個決定,也感到很傷痛。而且他很害怕面對無法預知的未來。在做這個決定的時候,他需要在一個讓他感覺舒適的地方,也就是在他家人能夠支持他的地方。

我也認為他的想法是對的。如果他決定跟我面對面地討論分手的事,我大概又會臭罵他一頓,告訴他他的問題在於對我的珍視欣賞的程度不夠,而這是他應該花更多時間改進的地方。其實,這些話都已經說過幾次了,但是他不願意聽,任何人也沒有辦法。

現在,我的遺憾是,我沒有和他有一個正式告別的機會,給他一個愛的擁抱,並且祝福他。

當我在看『少年Pi的奇幻漂流』一片,劇情到Pi 的船在墨西哥海岸著陸的時候,查理波克,那隻與他在落難過程中,情緒上相互依靠的老虎,頭也不回地離開了他,Pi 傷心的痛哭流涕。我也哭地很傷心。

或許在這裏,我有一些值得深入探討的情感程式?

我決定覱停寫作,花一些時間在找到我的情感程式,並且平衡它們。

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我把我的意念聚焦在遺憾的感受。(以下情感程式的敘述,將以棕色文字登出)
我感覺到我是一個北美洲科羅拉多河附近的印第安族的一名少男。我有靈視的能力。我在靈視裏看到我們族人居住的河畔將會有大洪水來襲,所以我竭盡所能的通知每一個人,告訴他們應該要逃離到高低。那一天的天氣晴朗,沒有任何人相信我的說辭。

當時我知道,如果我不立刻離開,我就會跟大家一起淹死,最後我只好一個人匆匆地爬上河谷的峭壁。峭壁也不過不到100公尺,當我登上峭壁之後回頭看,正看到轟轟的大洪水從上流沖下來,把我族人的村莊全部淹沒。

我開始了經脈情緒平衡法的過程,我感覺到我就是那個年輕的男孩,跪在懸崖邊的黃土上,雙手用力地伸向著洪水淹沒的村莊,仿佛我可以抓住什麼,我大聲並且傷痛地喊著我妹妹,媽媽,還有弟弟的名字,我充滿著傷痛與絕望。在現實中,我以一個我沒有聽過的語言喊著他們的名字。我可以看到那個年輕男孩眼前所浮現的,她所愛的人的每一張臉。然後我憤怒地朝著天空大喊,天呀,你為什麼要讓這種事情發生?在現實中,我用同樣的語言喊著我自己聽不懂的一句話,但是我心里知道我說的是什麼。

我處理過絕望的感受,傷痛,然後也平衡了憤怒。之後我覺得平靜多了。我以肌肉測試,這個情感程式已經完成平衡了。

我從訊息場裏問到,還有其他的程式需要處理。我決定繼續往前。

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我感覺到一絲的傷心,以及漠然。我聚焦這些感覺,我感受到一個法國的女人,從她的衣著來判斷,大約是250年前吧。她在港口向她18歲的兒子送行。他要去探險,到不同的地方去為自己開創一個天下。身為母親的不能夠拒絕孩子的夢想,就只好讓他去創造他的夢想。

這也是這個母親最後一次看到她的兒子。他失蹤了,沒有任何人知道發生了什麼事情。接下來的45年,這個母親常常做夢或是幻想她的兒子究竟發生了什麼事。她大部分所想的,都是災難的悲劇。她一輩子都無法接納這個現實,她不斷地活在傷心與恐懼當中,直到他死亡為止。

我以經脈情緒平衡法處理了哀傷與漠然。也處理了另外一種說不上來的情緒雜音。

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現在我再回過頭來,看看對於沒有與 T 正式告別的感受,我覺得平靜多了,也放鬆多了。我心裏想,雖然會覺得如果能正式告別是很好的,但是沒有的話,我也沒有關係了。

我問了宇宙統合意識,有關正式告別的情感牽扯都處理完畢了嗎?宇宙回答,還有百分之一。

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我又繼續聚焦。這一次花了比較久的時間,每一次嘗試聚焦我都被其他的思路叉開了。所以我決定給自己放一天假。我去找朋友聊天,還去做全身油壓經絡按摩。回來之後又泡了一個很長的澡,然後早早上床睡覺。

第二天起床之后,我把意識帶回去這個感受。這一次,我比較能夠聚焦了。我閉上眼睛,靜靜的感受 · · ·

我站在海邊的懸崖上。那個懸崖並不太高。我可以感受到海風吹在我的臉上。海的顏色帶著一絲的淡紫。夕陽也是紫色跟橘紅色的。這不是地球,應該是異次元或是外星的經驗。我低下頭,看到我的腳,我有三根腳趾頭,而且有爪子。我的皮膚是有豹紋般的土黃色。我看到我自己身上斜背著一個皮製的小包包,我穿的是一種以自然纖維粗糙編織的衣服。看起來是一個相當原始的生活形態。我沒有帶任何武器,我可以感覺到我個性是喜好和平,不喜戰事的

我可以感覺到許多不同的情緒,但是無法一一分辨他們。所以我就先以經脈情緒平衡法敲了一趟。一趟之後,我就比較可以理出頭緒了。我可以感覺到一個深深地漠然的感受。做了平衡之後,漠然消失了,再浮現出來的是淡淡的沮喪。平衡之後,沮喪也不見了。我感受到憤怒。好像我在一場戰事中,為了什麼人在拼命。我平衡了憤怒之後,哀傷浮現出來。極度的哀傷。我開始用經脈情緒平衡法來敲,我看到我自己(三個腳趾的外星人)在與一群人抗戰,想要把我的四個孩子搶回來。這些人是奴隸販賣者,他們要搶走我的孩子們,帶他們到別的地方去把他們賣掉。我打輸了,我的四個孩子全被他們帶走了。我在敲經脈點的時候,我哭地很傷心,我看到我傷心地跪在地上,感到無限的懊惱,責怪自己沒有能力保護我自己的孩子。

我把所有的情緒都平衡完了,以肌肉測試法,問到了已經達到0%。

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現在,再看看自己早先想要的正式道別,我會心地笑了。雖然邏輯上是一件很美麗的是,但是這卻是一個非常荒謬的想法。當時我們兩個人都一定是在混亂的情緒下,這根本是無稽之談。這種情景,大概只有在理想主義者的電影情節里才會發生吧!哈哈。

我笑了,我可以面對現實了。或許未來的某一天,我可以到到這種平靜的心。再想過,我知道,當我把我自己關於T 的靈性功課做完的時候,我一定能夠真正地達到我想要的無條件的愛與平靜的態度面對他。不過,他能夠嗎?再想想,他能不能夠達到這個心態,已經是不關我的事了!

我又想,我的目的是什麼呢?正式道別真的很重要嗎?或者在我的內心找到寧靜比較重要呢?我選擇後者。

微笑中 ....

今天在臉書看到一句話:

力量,不是來自改變別人。
而是,調整自己對別人行為的反應。

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註:  原本開始寫這篇文章的時候,我只想到要寫那七個『母親恐懼孩子離開後不能夠生存』的情感程式。哪里知道宇宙統合意識自個兒有祂的點子。文章一開始就轉了個彎兒,成了一個現場內省,找到情感程式,以及做平衡及療癒的即時報導。

希望讀者可以利用我的經驗來練習自己找情感程式的操作過程。

5 comments:

  1. Dear Sunny,

    與你交談兩句後,我去入睡,翻來覆去睡不著。有一種無法形容的恐懼,壓著我的胸腔。今天晚上看完電影Life of Pi後,與朋友去餐館進餐,坐下來時感到一種很難形容的疏離感,就是莫名其妙突然覺得朋友不可信,想要自己一個人待著。這種感覺自我五歲左右開始存在,始於一次午睡醒來過後,突然覺得身邊的人都不可信,覺得他們笑裡藏刀。多年來,很多次在人群中,與朋友甚至親戚相處時,突然會湧現這種感覺,很想快點一個人待著。想來,只有在與父母,親兄弟,還有前男友相處時才沒有過。晚飯時,與朋友談起電影的劇情,看的時候沒想到原來Pi講的第二個故事(人吃人)有可能是真的,朋友提起這個可能性的時候我的心突然嚇倒了。然後不安的情緒一直持續到我回家,在網路上蒐集了很多其他人對此電影的看法,看到他們剖析電影裡”殘酷的現實“,我的心非常難受。再在你的這篇文章裡看到這部電影的回顧,心裡更加不舒服。

    睡不著,主要是心中有很重的恐懼感,壓著我的胸腔。決定起來找情感程式。我利用不舒服的情緒,加上電影劇情和幻想小說法,看到了幾個片斷。第一個片斷是我穿著黑色的衣服,好像是一個巫女的角色,在村子裡與其他女孩好像在祭祀還是在做甚麼崇拜的活動(這個有點像我去年看過一部電影的劇情)。第二個片斷,我被活生生扔進了滾燙的開水裡,他們想要燒死我(寫到這裡又打哆嗦了),但他們是把我騙進去的,我完全不知道他們要害死我。此時現實中的我感到身體背後一直到後腦勺一陣緊張和抽搐。我在滾燙的熱水裡掙扎的時候,看到人群中,有一個瑟縮的身影,他的樣子是我現在的前男友,但是我感到故事中的他是我的哥哥。他很害怕和自責,這個“哥哥”有份參謀其中把我騙進去,讓他們處死我,但是他不得不那樣做。

    我看到他的時候,現實中的我就馬上很傷心地哭了。我先後做了四個情緒的平衡,分別是:驚訝,憤怒,失望,怨恨。做前面兩個的時候,我的眼淚不斷地掉下來,尤其是腦海裡閃現出他的樣子時(他臉上的恐懼),我的情緒更加強烈。做到後面兩個情緒的時候,我開始平靜下來,並且邊做經脈情緒平衡邊在心裡感受他的情緒,理解到他的不得已,他的驚訝(也許他也沒想到我的後果是被處死)。做完後,我胸腔被壓住的感覺少了一些,剛才腦子裡一直對“人吃人”的恐懼也消失了。肌肉測試問了下,還有30%沒處理。我再問到一個情緒是:自責。處理完後,還有15%,我暫時想不到了。

    回想今天,下午的時候,與前男友聊天非常愉快,後來與兩個朋友去看電影,進餐後,從那一種“疏離感”出現後,我的心情就變得很低落,說不出來為甚麼。與朋友討論完劇情後,一個人回到家,看了很多跟劇情有關的評論,由於室友回國了,我有一種異常的恐懼和寂寞。此刻,我猜想,我的情感程式裡可能不止被害(被吃),有可能還有害人(吃人),但現在的我不敢面對,所以看不到。寫到這一段時,小腹的肌肉變得很緊張。不過暫時平復了,過幾天可能需要再看看。

    與大家分享,共勉!

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    Replies
    1. 想補充我在情感程式裡具體的感受:

      1、被人欺騙(不知道他們要處死我)的驚訝;看到哥哥同謀的驚訝。
      2、被處死的憤怒;看到哥哥同謀的憤怒。
      3、對哥哥與人同謀的失望。
      4、對處死我的人產生的怨恨。
      5、對自己做了”錯事“而導致被處死的自責。

      至於這個處死的後果是不是被人吃掉,我不大清楚。可能是因為這個電影裡”人類在絕境時自相殘殺“,”親人不可信“(關於Pi在船上有沒有吃他的母親)的劇情,以及後來我聯想到春秋戰國時期鬧飢荒有”易子而食“(交換子女當食物)的故事,引發了我的情感程式。

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    2. 雖然我不認識您,但是很感謝您的分享,讓我越來越對找情感程式有概念了。^^

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  2. 這個分享實在很讚 太利益初次來到貴部落格的我了
    也感謝宇宙這麼共時的給我的資料
    感恩您無私地分享!

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