Sunday, July 21, 2013

misc - 雜思 -The Forever Shifting Mind

When my ex and I parted ways 9 months ago, I realized that my life was more freeing, more relaxed, and that I can do whatever I wanted without the concern of the other party. I did a lot of self-healing, and was enjoying my life with my friends.  My parents had passed a while back, and some of my siblings also had passed on. My only two siblings left, we don't share similar views and perspectives about life so we do not have strong connection. Yes, I do love them. I noticed that a lot of my friends are more like family to me than my blood related family.

3 months ago, I went traveling on my own.  I went to Ireland.

First I was doing a house sitting assignment for a month in Brey, Ireland. That was a great experience. The place I stayed at was great, close to nature trails and city convenience. I was able to walk their dogs everyday at a very beautiful seaside cliff and park everyday. I met some local people via different venus. some of them has become friends. After the housesitting assignment ended, I went off traveling. I am not in a hurry to finish my touring to go back to my home/job/life. I have a great arrangement that I have a bit of income and work a bit on the internet. So I can travel and work a bit on the go.

Now looking back, I was never on my own.  Whenever I come across a beautiful place, I always think about my friends, and wish that I could share my experience with them. Facebook is the closest way to share across the internet (across the world). Occasionally I would do live video chat on the scene of a beautiful cliff or the beach with my friends.

Occasionally I would meet travelers and go explore for a day or two with them. Those experience was also very precious. One time I was in a hostel and met two very lovely American girls from Kansas USA. We went to the pubs listening to live Irish music in Dingle, Ireland. Then we ended up, somehow, in a dancing pub after midnight. I have always loved dancing, not with one male dance partner, but just go all out like an aerobic workout, dance to the beats. If there is a person in front of me, that is great! If there is no one in front of me, I still dance my heart out.  I haven't had the opportunity to dance since my early thirties. I am now 51, and I went dancing with a couple of young college graduates. This is funny, and freeing in a way. The folks I danced with at the pub, they seem to rotate somehow. I was dancing, then there will be a flow of people come around me, some took pictures. I had no clue who they are, and it didn't seem to matter.  Most of them are drinking or drunk.  I don't drink alcohol when I dance.  It is like an aerobic workout for me. you can't mix alcohol with exercise. :o) It was such a great experience, dancing, watching people, dance to the music that calls me, and take a break whenever I feel like to. No one to cling to, no one to impress, just me and the music, among a lot of people who are enjoying their own time and didn't really matter to me.

in the hostels, I also met spiritual people, healers, friendly people, and a lot of people who don't give a shit about others. It is funny, in one hostel, they have a lounge area, everybody just sits there and get on their smart phone.  There were no conversations. I did not start one either. :o)

While I was traveling, I not only enjoy the beautiful scenery, I observe my mind. I observe others. I reflect.

Sometimes when I walk on a trail alone, I would have dialogue with the Universe. Sometimes, I don't.

I noticed that when I was at a place too long, I want to go travel.  when I travel a lot, I want to get settled in at a place for a while. A while could mean a week, or a month. When I travel alone for a while, I want company to share my experience with.  Then when I have company for a long time, I want my own space again.

This seem to be an on-going thing.  When I was with my ex.  I was tired to have to taylor my decisions to my partner.  When I travel alone, I want to share things with my friends.

I wonder if everyone is like this?  we can not repeat a same thing too long. we always go yo-yo and back and forth?

When we work too long we want vacation.  when we are not working too long, we want to go back to a routine.  I found that sharing and giving makes my life more enjoyable and meaningful.  I don't know how you feel about it?

If money is not an issue, you get to travel all you want. You think it is going to be heaven, but again, you eventually will want something different. We always go from one situation to another. we can not stay in one situation too long unless there is shift, changes and variations.

I remember I had a friend who came from a wealthy family. he became a minimalist, he looked down on money. His parents grew up in poor family, and they make their life goal about making lots of money and provide to their children.  Isn't this interesting?

Women with curly hair want their hair straightened. Women with straight hair want to get perms. Somehow we always want what we don't have. And why is that?

I guess it is about how much satisfaction and dissatisfaction we have. Even though we are satisfied about something, it is still nice to have a change of experience. Refreshing our experience, or taking a break from a routine, we may say.

I have met a few travelers who had been on the road for a very long time. One person traveled 15 years, one is 10 years. I am not sure how they did it. It is beyond my imagination. i know that when they travel, the experience is always shifting.

Life is constantly shifting. whether big shifts or small shifts.  I guess every one has their own comfort level about the shifts. but everyone needs it too.

I know one thing for sure about me. It is that I always appreciate people in my life because they make my life more interesting.  Those who are passers by who unknowingly made my life more interesting. And those who are supportive and loving, who I can share parts of my life with. Thank you all!

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