“Power-Under”

We talk a lot about bullies, tyrants, and narcissists—those who wield "Power-Over" others with threats, manipulation, and control. We can list their tactics: gaslighting, intimidation, love-bombing, stonewalling. But we miss the other half of the story, the silent partner in this toxic dance.

This is the story of the "Power-Under" position. It's not about weakness. It's about the brilliant, heartbreaking, and ultimately self-caging survival script a person learns when "Power-Over" is the only language spoken in their world.

由痛到寧 part 1 of 4

 由痛到寧

第一部 （1/4)：在權力壓制的世界中尋找答案

無名的劇痛

我依然清晰地記得當時的感覺：「我」只是一個微小的旁觀者，被困在一個完全不屬於自己的身體裡。這個身體暴怒、狂喊、抓起木製的劍道練習劍，砸爛眼前的一切。我就像一個被困在失控機器裝甲裡的人質。那感覺， 像是惡魔附身一般。

第一次風暴過後，留下的只有龐大的羞恥感，以及無限的困惑。「剛才究竟發生了什麼？」我的身體處在極度的耗竭感，連續三天把自己鎖起來，試圖理出頭緒。類似的情況在我上一段婚姻中發生了無數次。

From Pain to Peace. Part 4: The Language of Dignity

From Pain to Peace 

Part 4: The Language of Dignity—From Reaction to Resonance

Introduction: The Missing Tool

You now have a map of the territory (power-over tactics) and a compass for your inner world (dignity and discernment). What remains is the language to navigate it all. This is not a technique for manipulating others, but a fundamental shift in consciousness. It is a way of communicating that protects dignity, honors our shared humanity, and rewires our brains for self-compassion and connection.

This is the practice of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Woven with the neuroscience of resonance, it becomes more than a tool—it becomes a path to healing. To understand the "how," we will use Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's model of the four characters of the brain, a powerful lens for understanding why NVC works.

From Pain to Peace. Part 3: The Deeper Work

From Pain to Peace

Part 3 (of 4): The Deeper Work: discerning the source of our pain.

Untangling Our Triggers and Expectations

Now that you have the tools to identify power-over tactics and understand dignity, a challenging but essential question arises: How do I know if my reaction is about a true dignity violation in the present, or a wound from my past? And how do I know if I'm the one violating someone else's dignity with my expectations?

From Pain to Peace, Part 2: A Guide to Dignity and Power Dynamics:

From Pain to Peace

Part 2 (of 4): A Guide to Dignity and Power Dynamics: 

Tools for When Relationships Hurt

If you’re reading this, you might be feeling confused, hurt, and exhausted by your interactions with others. You might leave conversations feeling small, sick to your stomach, or filled with a rage that seems to come out of nowhere. You may have been told you're "too sensitive" or that you "can't take a joke."

You are not crazy. You are not broken. You are likely experiencing the very real effects of dignity violations through power-over tactics.

This guide provides the two core tools you need to understand what is happening and how to protect yourself.

From Pain to Peace. Part 1: My Search for Answers in a World of Power-Over Tactics

From Pain to Peace

Part I (of 4)

My Search for Answers in a World of Power-Over Tactics

The Agonizing Pain With No Name: 

I remember the exact sensation: the feeling that "I" was just a tiny observer, trapped inside a body that was no longer mine. This body raged, screamed, and picked up a wooden Bokken sword, smashing everything in sight. I was a hostage in a robotic suit gone haywire. It felt like demonic possession.

When the storm subsided, only confusion and shame remained. "What happened?" For three days, in extreme exhaustion, I'd lock myself away, trying to make sense of it. This happened multiple times in my last marriage.

I later realized these were not demonic possessions or breakdowns of character; they were autistic meltdowns—the direct, physical result of pent-up pain from my ex-husband's relentless power-over tactics. My body was screaming what I could not.

失去與獲得－從哀悼找到永恆不滅的愛

每一個人出生後一定要面對的，就是死亡。無論是自己的死亡，或是他人的死亡。生命裡面，也是一定會面對很多次的失去。這句話聽起來好像很無情。但是卻是每個人都必須面對的事實。我是王絪。今年56歲。面對生離死別以及其他形式的失去，已經數不清楚有多少次。現在的我，回顧過去的經驗，發現有一些我自己執行的步驟，讓我在失去親友或是其他實質或抽象的東西之後哀悼過程，有「減輕傷痛」，「擴展自己」，「成長蛻變」以及「能夠更深刻去愛」的效果。


我發現在網路搜尋的時候找不到可以協助人度過哀悼期的文章。有可能是我常年不用中文，不知道用什麼Keyword搜尋比較合適。不過我也認為我的經驗可能對某些人是相當有助益的，所以決定在此分享。以下內容雖然是以面對失去親近的人為主題，但是文內所提及的步驟與過程，對於使用在任何哀悼的過程：分手，離異，離家，失去寵物，工作等等，都會非常有效。

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